40 Questions to Ask Parents and Grandparents About Their Lives

Create a comfortable moment for the conversation

Choose a time when there is no need to rush. A walk, a relaxed meal or looking through an old photo album can help stories come naturally. Explain why you are asking: you would like to know more about their life and preserve memories for the family.

Do not treat the conversation like an interview that must be completed in one sitting. One or two questions may lead to a long story. Allow pauses, ask whether they want to continue and avoid pushing for details about painful or private experiences.

Childhood and early memories

Questions about everyday life can reveal details that formal family records often miss: what a home looked like, games children played, favourite foods or how people spent weekends.

• What was your home like when you were a child?
• What games or activities did you enjoy?
• Who was someone you looked up to?
• What did a normal school day look like?
• What food reminds you of childhood?
• Which place did you love visiting?
• What was your first responsibility at home?
• What is a small childhood memory you still remember clearly?

Family traditions, culture and celebrations

Family traditions can change across generations. Ask what was important, how a celebration was prepared and whether there are recipes, songs or phrases that have been passed down. You may discover a tradition that the family would like to keep or adapt.

Be open to differences in memory. Two relatives may remember the same event differently. Preserve each person’s account as their perspective rather than forcing a single version.

• Which family celebration did you look forward to most?
• Was there a recipe that appeared at special occasions?
• What songs, sayings or stories were common at home?
• How did birthdays or weddings used to be celebrated?
• What tradition would you like younger generations to remember?

Work, friendships and turning points

Ask about decisions and experiences rather than only job titles. You might learn what they found difficult, what helped them change direction or how important friendships developed. Keep the focus on their experience, not whether their choices match your own.

If a question touches on a sensitive period, offer them the option to skip it. A family history project should give people control over their stories.

• What was your first job or meaningful responsibility?
• Who was a friend who influenced your life?
• What decision changed your direction?
• What skill did you have to learn the hard way?
• What is a challenge you are comfortable telling me about?
• What achievement are you quietly proud of?
• What did you enjoy doing when you were younger?

Love, relationships and lessons learned

Questions about relationships can reveal how people understood care, commitment and family life in their own time. Keep them open-ended and avoid asking for private details about a person who is not present.

You can ask what helped them maintain friendships, what they wish they had understood earlier or what advice they would offer someone starting a new chapter. The goal is to learn their perspective, not to judge it.

• What does a supportive friendship mean to you?
• What did you learn about showing appreciation?
• What helped you through a difficult season?
• What is one relationship lesson you would pass on?
• How did you stay in touch with people who lived far away?

Preserve stories with permission

Ask before recording a conversation or taking a photograph of documents. Explain where a recording or story may be stored and who will be able to see it. If they prefer not to be recorded, take notes with their permission or simply enjoy the conversation.

A digital memory page can bring selected photos, captions and a short family story together, but only include material the people involved are comfortable sharing. Add dates and names when they are known, and mark uncertain details as memories rather than confirmed facts.

A few final questions about the future

Finish by asking what they would like younger family members to understand. The answer may be a value, a family recipe, a favourite place or a story they want remembered. Thank them for sharing and ask whether they would like to talk again another day.

• What would you like the family to remember about this time in your life?
• Is there a story you wish you had asked your parents?
• What would you like to teach a younger family member?
• Is there a photograph or object whose story I should know?
• What question have I not asked that you would like to answer?